CC: ME

So, I guess we’re back? Fun! If this is your first time here, extra fun. If you’re an old friend of this blog, welcome back – I’ve missed you, so much. A near 3 year recess was never my intention, but I’ve learnt to trust in the divine timing and how things always find a way of reaching you when you need them most. I started this project (?) when I was 22 (!!), never anticipating it would be kicking around as I approach 30. I had two resolutions entering 2024 – invest in therapy and invest in this site. I used the word “invest” in both the proactive and monetary sense, assuming neither to be inexpensive – I was correct. Regardless, I’m rejoicing in the accountability of my intentions and am thrilled to have you here with me. Good health in the form of mind, body and spirit has fast become life’s top spending priority and I predict will continue to be the most precious currency in years to come.

Noting the theme of hesitancy throughout my past writing, I don’t think I ever felt worthy of the space my words commanded. Yet somehow it’s also where I felt the most rooted in self expression, which makes for a fun paradigm as we continue this journey. We left off upon my return from London. I’d bounced from one country’s lockdown to another and for lack of a better word, was pretty miserable. The live fast, die young approach I had adopted through my time abroad didn’t fit in a world where my New Zealand friends were settling down and I longed for the liberty I’d once felt. It made sense to throw myself into a corporate career, which is exactly what I did. This served me exceptionally well and speaks to the aforementioned divine timing. It wasn’t until more recently it became apparent I’d put this above all else and change would come calling. 

Winding back, my first big shake up came around this time last year. Alcohol and I had shared a strained relationship and deep down I always knew I’d be better off without it. One Friday night sitting in a flat whose environment did absolutely nothing to serve me, I decided to quit. I also decided it was probably time to move out but thought I’d put it out to the universe for another day. Those days turned into weeks and through inaction, instead of the gentle nudge I’d manifested, was presented with an almighty shove – a robbery that would claim nearly all of my treasured belongings and a resolution which meant I couldn’t numb my heartache with Merlot. They say bad things come in threes and shortly after, I curbed my Mum’s car and momentarily lost the use of my thumb after slamming it in an Uber door en route to a client meeting. What an absolute shitshow. Almost comical looking back but it was a stark reminder: trust your gut and make the necessary changes before they’re forced upon you. 

With the welcome move to quite possibly the dreamiest house I’ll ever inhabit came the summer where I fell the closest to love I’d been in nearly a half decade. The inexplicably beautiful yachtie-cum-muso who would grant me a glimpse of the romantic bliss I craved. Unbelievably, the best part wasn’t that he struck the perfect balance between a Hemsworth brother and Glen Powell or that we could talk for hours laying our emotions bare, but that I ended it. I know what you’re thinking, Carly WTF! I know, but I’d been here before and for the first time (probably ever) I put self worth over a mirage of someone I knew wasn’t ready. Opting for inner peace over what could be months of lovely, but ultimately uncertain times. We accept the love we think we deserve (more on this later). 

The year that would follow (this one) has been magical. Confronting, transformative, immaterial and my reintroduction to creativity and balance. In 2021 I finished by saying “things are going to be great, I’m sure of it” and if I can continue to channel these lessons, approaching change with grace and without judgement, they just might be.