ARCHIVE: IT’S LATE
12:18 AM on a Saturday and I’ve slept all day, now just finished watching McQueen. Feeling part inspired, part homesick (not really actually) with a longing for love and sense of confusion for myself.
I ate cereal for dinner because I felt like something sweet. I resent myself for not leaving this room but I had no desire. The trees will still be there tomorrow.
I wish I would let myself write. Say whatever comes to mind without fear of rereading in horror. No one has to see this anyway, but is that what I’m actually afraid of? It’s a pure lack of inhibition that scares us the most. Different from depression in a way I can’t explain, and lazy isn’t right either.
It’s doing whatever you want without consequence, à la today: a unique position where I genuinely had nothing to do today so I didn’t do anything.
In the front of my mind knowing I wasn’t letting anyone down and all other arrangements were in place. It’s when you start to wonder if others feel this way too? And if they do, it’s probably not this often.
Should I have more longing for adventure? Have I done enough? Am I making the most of my time on this planet?
Probably not. But today, I don’t care.