Wow, what a week. I’ve been telling myself a million versions of this story in my head, but I can’t choose where to start.
I think I wrote that an hour ago,
Okay, so I really didn’t know where to begin. It’s been a big week. But shit, it kinda feels like every one is a big one now. That for some reason things are always significant, wherever they lie on the spectrum. All part of a narrative of what’s “meant to happen”, or maybe that’s easier to believe?
Also, 12:17AM on a Saturday night, during a long weekend. A pretty strange time to be starting one of these. But hey, loves variety. A coincidence that my favourite number is 17 (alongside 19)? Probably not, but look we’re getting sidetracked already.
I’ve been thinking lately about how we’re supposed to move on. Transition seamlessly from one phase of our life to another, with elegance and minimal trauma. For me that rarely happens. There’s always something not quite in sync, and I’ll be overly emotional about something.
Anyway, it’s actually wild to think of our capacities.
- Can I empathise or just sympathise?
- Did that one decision change the course of my life?
- Can they feel my love?
- Is it possible to be happy about the future, yet sad about the past?
- Is this all some kind of test?
The fact the above can go through my brain in 10 seconds nods toward a convoluted state. The fact that any person reading through 1 to 5 would have interpreted each completely different, and for separate reasons, is just intense.
It’s like you’ve got a million different thoughts and feelings going on at any one time and it’s your job to balance them out. Simple, except the fact you’ve got to take into account the reasoning of everyone else’s actions, without screwing it up.
Long story short, our relationships are complex. We build them, remember them, grow them and end them (in no specific order). This week has taught me the balance of emotions at each of those stages, and what it feels like when they all start to overlap (not ideal).
We’re not conditioned to forget, but we are made to evolve. I don’t know why things have happened the way they have, and there’s a chance I never will. But I guess all we can do is take each lesson and see what happens in the end?