WHAT THE F*CK

Good lord. I’m not even sure where to begin. How does one start when one’s life has quite literally been turned upside down? We’ll start with today, so in the following you know things turned out okay. Actually better than okay, but let’s acknowledge the process.

It’s raining. Properly for the first time in weeks. It’s 10:32AM and John Mayer’s UE Boom serenade has become somewhat of a morning routine. Today is coffee over tea, I wanted to be sharp in writing this. We haven’t meditated (I sometimes do that now) but at least the thought was there. The amber emittance from my salt lamp and crystals in my peripheral perfectly complement what’s shaping up to be a pleasant Monday. Correct, not your usual 9 till 5, nice work noticing.

It’s April, just, but still, this year couldn’t have been further from what I’d planned. Striking all events from January and February’s social calendar in favour of solitary confinement and an unprecedented leave of absence from social media (and all else). Undoubtedly the scariest, most chilling and profound experience I’d be fortunate to overcome. One that would dramatically alter the course of my life and the frame from which it’s viewed. It’s true, from our biggest setbacks come the greatest triumphs.

Everything changed and I hadn’t asked or wanted it to.

It was time to go beyond ‘everything happens for a reason’ (my life’s mantra) and learn the power of manifesting. Turning heavy, gritty, unpleasant and all-consuming thoughts into a revolutionary appreciation for life itself. During my darkest, I remember looking at strangers around me and thinking I would give anything to be any single one of them. Anyone to not be me or my situation, regardless of theirs. I then recalled a great quote, “the state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.” It serves me well not to forget this, as we are not our thoughts.

I also spent time in solitude rereading my previous blog posts. Most of which I didn’t even remember writing and the rest I just couldn’t believe had been laid bare for people to see, outrageous stuff. Yet somehow it was wildly empowering, because if she could do it, so could I.  

When I had done the majority of my soul searching, it was time to rejoin the real world. Odd, I’d never really been alone before, let alone with all future plans cancelled. But I wasn’t alone, my memories were now my own and not only did I have my loyal comrades from years past, but a raft of new faces to recolour uncertainty.

A great friend told me change is just the universe tapping you on the shoulder as if to say, “you’re not going that way”…

…and now I’m just so thankful it did.