WHERE I’M AT
It’s been nearly a year since I started Hate me, Date me, so naturally, it’s time for a soul-baring update.
Moving out of home sure shot me into a new realm of adulthood I’m far from acing. Despite the fact Merlot still tops my supermarket shopping list and I’ve turned half of my clothes pink, we’re getting there… Other than the perils of maturing, keeping a strong head has been my biggest challenge recently. Navigating not one, but two oversaturated industries where “everyone” seems to be doing bigger, better things than you.
At 23 I’m creeping closer to my expiry date as a model and in typical #girlboss fashion, we all have blogs. Yuck, I find it so awkward (and ultimately cringey) referring to myself as a ‘model’, but I suppose it’s time to get over that. As glamorous as it seems, it’s an industry where you’re hot one minute, and the next you’re not. It’s super competitive and in most cases, entry and achievement is based purely on how you look. With no intent to offend, just stated as fact, comments (harsh or not) will be made straight to your face.
Working a fulltime job means “extras” come second and it seems reasonable to question whether one should bother spending nights writing, or weekends shooting? But nothing worth having comes easy, and so far my highlights have been the ones that were anything but. Keeping this top of mind makes it easy being happy for others in their success (unless they’re complete dicks), as very rarely does someone have everything handed to them. Hence why comparisons are pointless, as we’re never told the full backstory.
Still, I like to think I’m pretty good at straying from comparative dispositions. Yet when the odds don’t fall in your favour, disappointment is only fair. Last year I (miraculously) landed a job with two other girls, knowing of us three, one was bound for Hong Kong. Upon learning that one wasn’t me, I was gutted and pictured Heidi Klum in front of me, “one day you’re in, and the next you’re out.”
Accepted as one of my biggest missed opportunities to date, I would likely be far less humble and definitely less motivated without it. I guess somehow the universe always has a way of keeping us on our toes…
Even though 90% of the time I have no clue what I’m doing, here’s to another year of close calls and near misses, contending with fake followers and holographic influencers, and really just trying to stay sane through it all.
Wish me luck.